“I don’t know what’s wrong, I just don’t feel like myself.”

People often assume they need to have a clear problem or be experiencing a crisis to come to counselling. But sometimes it might simply be that you’re not feeling good within yourself, or you’re feeling confused or uncertain about your life.

But my life is actually fine…

Counselling isn’t just for times when you are struggling to cope or carry out day-to-day activities. You might be functioning fine on the outside — going to work, taking your children to school, socialising with friends and getting on with everyday life — but not feel good on the inside.

That can sometimes be difficult to make sense of, particularly when you look at your life and think that you should be happy. You might even feel guilty for being unhappy when, on paper, there doesn’t seem to be anything particularly wrong.

Sometimes there might be a clear reason for feeling this way, but other times it might be less obvious. Counselling can give you some space to explore how you’re feeling and begin to understand what might be going on for you.

Not knowing what’s wrong doesn’t mean there’s nothing to explore

Perhaps you’ve gradually lost touch with what you want. Maybe you’re living according to expectations, comparing yourself with other people, or have simply changed without really noticing it happening.

Sometimes we can become so used to getting on with life and doing what needs to be done that we don’t have much opportunity to think about how we actually feel about it.

You might find yourself wondering: Is this what I want? Why am I not happier? Why do I care so much about what everyone else thinks? Who am I outside of all the things I do for other people?

You don’t necessarily need to know the answers to those questions. Sometimes just noticing that they are there can be a starting point.

You don’t need to arrive at counselling with an explanation

You don’t need to come to counselling knowing exactly what you want to talk about or what you want to change.

As a person-centred counsellor, I’m not there to decide what your problem is or tell you what you should do about it. Instead, we can start with whatever feels important to you — even if that is simply “I don’t really know why I’m here. I just know something doesn’t feel right.”

There might be silences. You might change your mind about something. You might talk about something that seems completely unrelated and then realise that it matters more than you thought. There isn’t a particular way you have to “do” counselling.

What might happen instead?

Through talking, you may start noticing patterns, feelings you’ve pushed aside, things you thought you should feel, or start to gain clarity about what really matters to you.

That doesn’t necessarily mean having a sudden “aha!” moment or discovering one explanation for everything. It might be a much more gradual process of understanding yourself a little better and becoming more aware of your own feelings, needs and choices.

You don’t have to wait until things become unbearable before asking for some space to think about yourself.

Sometimes “I don’t really know what’s wrong, but I don’t feel like myself” is enough of a place to begin.

If you’re wondering what counselling with me might actually be like, you can read more about how I work or what to expect from online counselling.